Change comes in many guises, and can be welcomed or not – however you choose to respond though, it’s not going to go away. Cursing at the rain and bad weather for spoiling your summer barby or someones wedding day, won't make them go away ! A suggestion is to embrace change whenever possible, and if it’s appropriate, see if you can look upon it as ‘a rest.’
These types of changes are external, given to us ‘from above’ – It's God, or the planet doing its thing. But what about change as people – Can we really change? If so how do we create change? Most of us can think of someone who has changed in some way; “He’s never been happier now he’s got a new partner” or “She seems really pleased with herself now she’s lost a stone!” – Can change like this be long lasting?
I believe the answer is yes, and the key is to the ‘how’ we made the changes in the first place. For me the most effective change happens when we have some idea of the results we want to achieve and the process we need to go through. Have you ever seen someone who’s been to the hairdressers/barbers and said “I fancy a change, do what you like!” Do they usually come out satisfied? I think not, as they weren’t in control and they had no clarity about the results they wanted.
Changing a hairstyle is usually a ‘small’ change, and hair afterall grows back again. Larger changes will often hit on our values – those things which are most important to us. I see values like the pillars which underpin a building, they ‘hold us up’ metaphorically speaking. For example, if a key value is being close to your family, moving to another part of the country, or abroad may ‘seriously wobble’ one of your pillars – putting a ‘crack’ in it. The knock on effect is the transference of weight, or stress into other areas of the building – or in this case, your life. Something it’s wise to avoid where possible.
It’s unusual for us to actually change our values, if you believe you have to be kind to your neighbours and family, you’re unlikely to wake up one day and think “Sod the neighbours I’m going to play my music at full blast all day!”. If anything our values gradually shift or clarify as we get older – we become more certain what we do and don’t like, what we will and won’t make do with.
The main areas of change are Lifestyle, Relationships, Work/career, Environment, Finance and Communication. Of course, Communication filters through many of the other areas – so I’ll be talking more about this topic another time. It's important to identify what’s not working or out of balance, before you make the change. What is the thing you want to change? For example I and many others, undertook change to buy a property in Spain, can they remember why they wanted to move or buy a holiday home here? It’s easy to say “The weather!”- However, if you dig deeper there may be underlying values we were looking to adjust, such as experiencing a different culture, creating a more relaxed lifestyle etc.
To sum things up – You’ve probably grasped that change can be a BIG area! Maybe next time you’re contemplating a change, which you’re in control of, consider whether its ‘small’ change or ‘big’ change. Will it be a ‘rest’ or another headache? Weigh up the pros and cons carefully - then go for it!
